007 is needed to root out that Rooskey spy
No wonder we need a costly security hut when there are Russian spies in the Oireachtas. Picture: Sam Boal/Collins Photo
So the old Rooskies (the lads from Russia, not the Roscommon lads who are absolved from any involvement at this time) have infiltrated the Dáil and have installed a spy in the highest (lowest?) echelons of Irish society. This is disgraceful. Not since that reprobate Diarmuid McMorrough brought Strongbow and the Gall to this sainted country has the foundations of the state been so shaken.
Sure there are politicians and journalists just jumping up and down and over one another to save us from the Commie hoards. If Senator Joe McCarthy was alive today, I’d bring him in to clean out this Commie cell but, in his absence, perhaps the best man for the job would be 007 himself, Pierce Brosnan. The man would have little difficulty in getting to the root of this infiltration and being a Meath man he would have ready access of our Minister for Justice, herself a Meath woman, who may have been asleep on the job in the first place, for this grave breach of security to have happened on her watch.
If ever there was a clear need for a security hut or indeed 10 or 12 of them, then this is it. And no whinging about the cost. The OPW should be put to work straight away, even if that means spending the Apple billions.
Oliver J Flanagan must be spinning in his grave at this appalling intrusion. Indeed son Charlie will, no doubt, have something to say. This is not a time for pussyfooting around. It is time to take the handcuffs off our Gardaí and let them bring some rough justice to these Commie b*st*rds. Rough justice is what these fellows understand.
Oh! To be in Doonaree, not really, but to be back in the days when Lugs Brannigan and the hardy boys and the Heavy Gang were in their heyday. They would have this spy squealing for mercy and appealing for deportation to Siberia (a possible solution to our migrant issue, seeing that Ireland is full?) within an hour or two of commencing the water-boarding technique invented by our inventive friends in the CIA.
An alternative, and maybe a better one, would be to bring in Mossad. But there are a few snags. First, our esteemed Uachtaráin would most likely have to apologise to the Israeli nation for suggesting that the IAF (Israeli Attack forces) threatened our Irish soldiers attached to the UNIFIL forces protecting the innocent villagers, farmers and residents on either side of the Lebanon/Israel border.
Michael D is not a man for turning or for apologising when he is in the right. Good man Micheál. He is known (especially in Israel and in media circles here) for having a soft spot for the Russians. Sure did not his wife Sabina create an international incident when she suggested that the West might talk to Putin and seek an end to the invasion of Ukraine. A sensible woman who has been muzzled by the media who don’t like freedom of speech unless it is the media expressing such freedom.
The second snag with Mossad would be the possible outcome. Mossad have very clearly become the most ferocious spy-catchers (not to be confused with flycatchers) in the world. They have used their spy-catching techniques to identify and eliminate their opponents in Hamas and Hezbollah with quite diabolical efficiency. It would take them only a matter of minutes, in my view, to catch this Rasputin. However, in removing the spy from the equation, it is likely that the entire edifice of Leinster House, including the bike shed, would be razed to the ground with all our wonderful TDs reduced to crisps. Stand in the corner the young lady who suggested that might be no harm.
Myself, I’d have reservations about the source of these revelations. They first appeared, so I’m told, in the English which I have long suspected of being a tool of the British Government in seeking to destabilise their former colony. If the Tories were still in Government across the water then I would not need much convincing but with stuttering (in the sense that his first months in Government have stuttered from one disaster to the next) Starmer now in charge there may be a change in direction. We might even have a re-set. What a wonderful simple word. A re-set. I’ll have to check with Thesaurus to find out what it means.
Furthermore, in these times of spies and Russians and Chinese, not to mention Iranians and Indians and Houthis and Syrians and uncertainty, and fake news, Starmer would be well to keep an eye to his back. For it is an incontrovertible fact that included in his back-room team is a brace of possibly perfidious Irish people who may not be exactly loyal supporters of the bould Keir. Who’s to say these are not Provo plants? And what has Mary Lou got to say about it? What convoluted supposed elucidation has Peadar Toibín got?
And, more importantly, what has our normally loquacious Minister for Defence and Foreign Affairs got to say? They are all extremely quiet on the speculation that there are Provo plants in Keir Starmer’s backroom team.
These are pertinent questions. They should be answered. The public is entitled to know the how, when and where of it all. How were these alleged Provo plants infiltrated into the Mother of All Parliaments? Were they Garda vetted? Where was the Minister for Justice? What did the Taoiseach know and when did he know it?
Nevertheless, as the late, great and lamented Sean Kilfeather was wont to say, we have to get to the bottom of this ignominious spy scandal. The starting point has to be: who spilled the beans? Who informed the English that there was a Rooskey spy in the Dáil? Once we know who the stool pigeon was it should be easy enough to get a name for this mercurial spy.
There was a time when the Catholic Church of Rome, given their detestation of the antichrist communists, would be in the frame and a prime suspect as the whistleblowers. But nowadays the church has no influence, no power and no wish to expose themselves to the frenzied attacks they could expect from the liberal, secular sections of this beautiful, contented, except for the spy scare, isle of freedom. Could Biden be behind it? His image as an Irishman has been badly dented by Boris. Could he be seeking kudos for exposing this threat to democracy that the spy in the Dáil poses?
Could it be Trump? He is a well-known Putin devotee. A Russian spy in the Dáil could be a useful asset. He could promote Donald’s Doonbeg asset and bring in a load of Russian golfers, though Bord Fáilte might have a bit of work to do to convince our Russian friends that Ireland of the Welcomes might not be so welcoming because of the activities of this alleged spy. I thought I’d best throw in the alleged word in reference to our anonymous spy. Everything about this spy is alleged. The security of the nation, of democracy itself is under threat from an alleged faceless spy.
We live in strange times. How about The Spy who came into the Dáil? It could make a fine film.
- Byrone
