Being delicious is no defence against trolls

In a world where opinions are cheap, and outrage sells like discount narcissism at a reality star's garage sale, another social media darling has fallen victim to that most modern of plagues: cancellation by digital pitchfork. 

Garron Noone - Mayo's pride and joy, known for the catchphrase 'Follow me, I'm delicious' (a sentiment that would make Oscar Wilde blush with its unabashed self-promotion) - abruptly vanished from our screens after doing something terribly unfashionable: expressing nuance on immigration.

The poor lamb committed the cardinal sin of suggesting that immigration in Ireland might be complex; that perhaps - brace yourselves - there are legitimate concerns that deserve addressing without dismissing everyone as either a bleeding-heart liberal or a knuckle-dragging xenophobe. For this act of outrageous centrism, the digital mob descended, their thumbs primed for destruction, their outrage meters dialled to eleven. Having written a piece on these pages from such a centrist perspective, arguing against intolerance towards genuine cases of displaced humanity, I can sympathise with Garron's much more acute predicament.

Noone has amassed 1.5 million followers on TikTok, a platform where profound thought goes to die in 40-second bursts between dance routines and makeup tutorials. He appeared twice on the Late Late Show - the Irish equivalent of being canonised while still breathing. Yet all this cultural capital evaporated faster than a politician's promises after election day when he dared suggest that "the systems that we have in place are being taken advantage of" and that "communities all over Ireland are concerned, and their concerns are continuously not being heard".

How frightfully reasonable. How unforgivably moderate.

What Mr. Noone has experienced is the modern equivalent of being burnt at the stake, only instead of flames, it's the constant ping of hateful notifications and the knowledge that somewhere, someone is telling you to end your existence over your painfully mild opinions on border control.

I can think of one acquaintance who found himself in similar digital quicksand for writing an article with controversial views. The trolls descended like digital locusts, their bile manifesting as constant demands that he shuffle off this mortal coil. He made the mistake of monitoring social media "pretty much all day", transforming what was essentially a handful of basement-dwelling misanthropes into an army of persecutors in his perception.

Trolls operate within echo chambers that would make the Grand Canyon jealous of their acoustics. Their relationship with confirmation bias isn't casual dating - it's a committed marriage with a prenup that explicitly forbids entertaining opposing viewpoints. The science is clear: social media algorithms feed users content that matches their existing beliefs, but trolls take this digital buffet and turn it into an all-you-can-eat feast of self-affirmation.

The typical troll is like a palaeontologist who refuses to acknowledge dinosaur fossils that don't fit their theories. Their self-serving bias filters information through cognitive sieves calibrated to catch only what supports their worldview, focusing on choice morsels while ignoring the diverse menu. Research shows they excel at provoking reactions while remaining impressively immune to perspective shifts - a psychological contradiction worthy of academic study.

The solution? My friend deleted his apps for a week. By the time he returned, the trolls had moved on to fresher meat, proving that online harassment is often as persistent as a politician's principles – which is to say, not very.

What Garron needs to understand is that perception is reality. The philosopher Edmund Husserl, father of phenomenology, argued that what you experience may differ from objective reality, but this is irrelevant. The reality that matters is what you perceive. And if you perceive digital threats as existential ones, they become precisely that.

Online bullies are, quite frankly, pathetic specimens. Studies have found they possess the 'Dark Triad' of personality traits: sadism, Machiavellianism, and psychopathy. These digital terrorists are disproportionately anxious and depressed compared to the population average. In real life, they're people you'd cross the street to avoid - or perhaps, if you're feeling charitable, offer directions to the nearest therapist.

As stated some weeks ago, we Irish have always had a complicated relationship with immigration, having been both emigrants and immigrants throughout our history. We've populated half the world's major cities with pubs and policemen, yet now find ourselves awkwardly navigating the reverse journey. Garron Noone simply acknowledged this complexity, suggesting that suppressing legitimate concerns "increases distrust in the government and pushes people towards racism and extremism". For this common sense, he was digitally drawn and quartered.

What's the solution for our beleaguered TikTok star? I imagine Garron knows already: change your perception, withdraw your attention. He suspended his accounts and refused to engage, recognising that the internet's memory is shorter than a goldfish with amnesia. He took a complete social media cleanse for a few days. When he returned last week, the digital lynch mob had already found someone else to persecute - perhaps some poor soul who suggested that not all immigrants are financial opportunists.

Like it or not, the internet is our modern public square where the village idiots have megaphones and the thoughtful voices of citizens are drowned in the feverish clamour. The unaccountability of social media is where nuance goes to die and extremism thrives like bacteria in a petri dish. But remember, Garron, you control your perception and your attention.

These two weapons can eradicate problems that once seemed insoluble, your digital persecutors are not Roman legions at your gate - they're lonely individuals tapping away at keyboards, their power entirely dependent on your willingness to grant it to them. Withdraw that power, and they vanish like so many morning mists.

The tumultuous immigration debate will continue with or without you, lurching between extremes while reasonable voices are shouted down and ritually vilified. So prioritise while being mindful of your mental health, which need not be sacrificed on that profane altar, and come and go as you please, armed with the knowledge that the trolls' power exists only in your perception of it.

In the meantime, perhaps consider the old-fashioned approach: write your thoughts in more than 40 seconds, publish them somewhere that values nuance, and remember that followers aren't friends, likes aren't love, and comments aren't conversation.

After all, as Oscar Wilde nearly said, the only thing worse than being trolled on social media is not being trolled on social media. Actually, no, that's complete nonsense. The best thing is having no social media at all, which is precisely why I draft these columns with a quill pen dipped in the tears of extinct creatures before reluctantly allowing them to be digitised and flung into the electronic void.

Garron, you may be delicious, but the internet prefers its meals served raw, bloodied, and screaming. And as you've returned refreshed and wiser, perhaps consider a new catchphrase: "Follow me, I'm carnivorous."