Estranged gay couple in court fight over access to two children

Gordon Deegan

An estranged gay couple are engaged in a court battle over access to two young children fathered by one of the men.

At the Family Law Court, the man, who has no biological link to the two children, has made an application for 10 access visits to see the two young children each year.

The man is named on the baptismal certificates as a parent to the two, but not on their birth certificates. The two children were born to surrogate mothers overseas during the man's years-long relationship with the father of the two.

The two men were at no stage married, and the father of the two children is “vigorously opposing” any access for his ex-partner to his two children.

The applicant told Judge Alec Gabbett that he was making the application “in the best interests” of the two children, "and that is why I am here today”.

He told the court: “I was always a Dad to the two.”

He said that while together with his partner, the two and the two young children “were a family unit”.

The applicant said that he had “a very strong bond” with the two children, who are both aged under five.

He said, “I did all the tasks of feeding. I changed their nappies. I did night feeds, and there is a bond when a baby is looking up at you at 2am.”

He said that his then partner taught him “how to hold the bottle, wind the baby, how to change the nappy and the cleaning of a baby. It was all new to me and we worked together as a team”.

He said: “I was co-parenting.”

He said that when the second surrogate mother became pregnant, his then partner announced to his family “that we were having another baby in the Summer”.

The applicant said that he was not applying for guardianship but for 10 access visits each year to see the two.

He said that he wanted to be a ‘Godfather’ or ‘uncle’ figure in the children’s lives.

He said that the two children called him ‘Daddy’ and his Christian name combined when he was in a relationship with their father.

The applicant said that he stood before his partner’s local community on the Church altar at the christening of the babies at their parents.

Legal standing

The man said that he was aware that his naming as a parent on the baptismal certificates had no legal standing. The man said that he took two weeks of parental leave from his job when the second baby arrived.

The man became emotional a number of times in the witness box when recalling times spent with the two children, and a 10-minute montage of home videos of the then couple and the babies together was played to the court. After viewing the montage, Judge Gabbett remarked, “They did look happy.”

In response to questions by his counsel, Emily Ryan BL, the applicant said that he travelled out to the overseas location around the time the babies were born to two different surrogate mothers to support his then partner.

The applicant stated that he ended the relationship and has had six access visits with the two children since, but the last one was in January of this year.

In evidence, the father agreed with his counsel, Elaine Houlihan BL, that he was “vigorously opposing” the access application.

The man has a new partner, and he told the court in evidence: “I don’t want to bring a stranger into the children's lives now, and that is what he is up to them - a stranger.”

He said that the children have seen the applicant for only 10 hours in 18 months, and when they were in a relationship, the two children were very young and at the time non-verbal.

He said: “I don’t want him around me or my children. They don’t remember him and they have a lot of supportive, consistent, patient people in their lives at the moment and I would like it to stay that way."

The father said, “He was just my partner. He was going out with someone who had children.”

He said: “I did show the children a picture of him last week to see if they would recognise him and they didn’t.”

Ms Houlihan said that the applicant had painted a picture of being intimately involved in the care of the young children and the father said: "I admit I was struggling, it is the hardest job I have ever done, nothing prepared me for parenthood.”

The father said that other people also helped with the care of the two children.

The father said that his ex-partner spent only three nights with the children by himself and didn't reside with them at the time.

Judge Gabbett said that the questions that have been addressed in the case from a legal perspective is whether the applicant resided with the children, did he have a meaningful relationship with the children, and will it disrupt the children’s life if access is granted?

He said that he could not take into account the views of the two children as they are too small.

Ms Houlihan stated that the applicant did not reside with the father and his children and lived mainly at his own address elsewhere in Ireland when they were in a relationship.

Judge Gabbett adjourned the case to next month.