Parenting is a marathon not a sprint

Finding time for yourself can be difficult as a parent. Before, we had an endless amount of time to do what we wanted; to spend it with friends, to go on holidays, but now all of a sudden we are a little confined, we are tired and dedicating every minute we have to our family. It’s important that we do find a little bit of ‘me’ time every day, to do what we enjoy.

Running has kept me sane, healthy and I know it makes me a better Mam. Yes, everyone tells us what lies ahead, we receive all the advice, tips and suggestions, but until you experience it one cannot believe it.

Becoming a parent has been one of the most wonderful parts of life and I am so very thankful. I love everything about being a parent but sometimes a busyness exists and challenges crop up. Sometimes we are just tired. I believe we need to mind ourselves and be good to ourselves because in order for us to continue at such a fast pace of life, day in day out, we need to be fresh, strong and generally buzzing.

Having children is a life-changing experience, especially when it comes to having time for oneself. Gone are the days when you can go for a run whenever you feel like it and sometimes it can be a real struggle to fit any exercise in at all. Because our lives are totally consumed with our loved ones, we are tired, we cannot not just go when we want, we need someone to mind the children and exercise can seem so hard.

Having a teenager brings a whole new level of learning, challenges, commitments and a never-ending array of surprises. With endless driving, more demanding and challenging homework, activities and emotions, we now must work around their needs, hence why I see the sunrise most mornings just to fit in one small thing that I love and need – running. Habits are formed, good and bad, and I believe it takes at least a week to get into a routine where the body and mind are convinced that this is what I’m doing and then it all seems to come together.

The trick to doing anything consistently is to make it part of your routine. Exercise is no different. If you get into the habit of doing some form of exercise at the same time, on the same day, every single week, it will be easier to keep up, because your mind and body will now miss it if you don’t.

Our systems love routine. When the alarm goes off bright and early, my body automatically leaps out, puts on the runners and heads off. I feel comfortable, happy and safe in my mind and body to stick to a specific schedule, which for me is the morning as I know once school finishes, anything can crop up. The evenings are taken up with homework, food, activities, driving and preparing for the next day. We like – and sometimes need – time schedules to divide up our days and weeks; it helps us make sense and to cope with the madness of the world. No matter how much is going on and what might lie ahead, I know my mind will be clearer when I return from a run, ready to face the day. Those exercise endorphins keep me buzzing for hours; I have more energy, more patience and more compassion.

Any form of movement outdoors not only keeps our bodies healthy but just as importantly, our minds. It makes us feel happy and helps us deal with stress. Sometimes we are unconsciously thinking about things; homework, the school day, how the children are getting on, all the chores that need doing, fitting in the shopping, kids feeling unwell. Natural parenting concerns exist, except when someone is totally consumed in something they love. The distraction of the hobby, the weather, the surroundings, nature and the animals, takes our mind to another space. The concentration needed for the task in hand, the physical exertion of a speed session at the track, of running so fast up a mountain, of pushing so hard against the west of Ireland wind and rain… suddenly all the worries and concerns begin to get left behind.

Recently, having run an ultra-marathon, it reminded me in some ways of parenting. The training, the journey, the unforeseen challenges, the tiredness. Sometimes parenting is like the marathon, but longer and harder. The marathon, one can train and prepare for and have a plan A, B and C. Parenting, of course, is a wonderful job but it constantly presents us with challenges, demands and needs that are sometimes unrealistic. Running has made me stronger, more resilient and enables me to think more clearly. The morning run allows me a freedom to figure stuff out while feeling good, to solve yesterday’s problems before today’s begin. The runner’s high lifts me in the back door and out the front door to start a bright brand-new day.

Guilt can also be a major issue when as a parent we begin thinking about doing something for ourselves, with many of us feeling selfish – in the little time that we’re away – for not spending time with our children. This would be me but when I go before anyone is up, I don’t miss out on anything.

Being organised is the key. The simple things like leaving everything out the night before, having breakfast cooked, again it’s all work but it is always worth it. You will always feel better when you return. We are also setting a good example for our children, we are their role models, they copy everything we do, from the food we eat to the hobbies and interests we love. Watch them grow up wanting to first sprint past you, sometimes run with you, go to the races with you. It might not last very long but it can be a good start and an introduction to sport for them. Studies have proven that children with active parents are more likely to be active themselves and follow healthier lifestyles.

The fun to be had while trying to get out can all be part of it. When they are babies it can be an opportunity for family to step in or to do my least favourite activity, the treadmill, with the music up high to blank out the family noise, but the most fun can be had while running with the double buggy, packing food, toys, bottles and rain gear resulting in a strength, endurance and powerful challenge where the running part is easy. When they are toddlers, the local pitch becomes a lifesaver, trying to do laps, training in heavy grass, preparing for cross country while the kids ‘hang’ in the middle of the pitch surrounded by their toys and food until after not so long, they get bored, want and need you and the quarrels begin. Packing the car just to get to the pitch is another errand.

They get a bit older and are mad to come running but tire after half a mile and you have to give them a piggyback home. The next day it’s let’s try the bikes, but that’s only really a summer thing; they take off flying, then get tired, then need to stop for a drink, the toilet, to see the ducks, birds, pick flowers and anything else.

Next their own indoor races arrive, the competitive edge, wanting to beat you, sprinting the last stage of the run. Secondary school arrives and some days it’s cool to run with mam, some days it’s not, and that’s okay because our job is to support, encourage and make these teenage years as plain sailing as possible. Notions can be taken to do the parkrun, a local race, one puts their own training on hold to accommodate whatever they would like. A great way to spend some quality time together and often through running a lot gets disclosed, a lot gets solved and a lot of fun is had.

On a recent holiday, again, the only way to get out was to be up before anyone. The joy of completing my own run, alone, at one with my surroundings, in sunshine, running beside, behind, and ahead of other adults, with my own thoughts, needs and wants being met. In this early morning time, it’s just about me, with no need to think, worry or stress about anyone else; to smile, breathe and move through the positive motions of running, feeling freer, stronger and happier the further one gets. On arriving back, the family excitedly await to do their run, always by their own choice and never mine. An opportunity to spend some quality time together, to catch up, for them to tell their latest stories from the evening before, because that’s what they want – us, our time, our love and attention, totally by choice, totally for fun, and totally carefree. The joy, the laughter, the chats, the plans for the day, the sea swim after, dreaming of the breakfast, this is as much fun time for the parents because when hanging with the children, we live in the moment, we become the friend, the companion, the one to beat – and so the last half a mile is a flat out sprint, the endorphins are even higher, the buzz pumping stronger. Definitely a great day lies ahead, no matter what obstacles, moods or issues arise.

Every stage of parenting, with its own challenges and rewards, moves seamlessly to the next. It’s always difficult to judge the right pace of ‘letting go’ and never more so than in the teenage years. Whatever the next few bring I am going to embrace, enjoy and keep on running through them, because even though sometimes it doesn’t seem like it, it’s a very short time. They won’t always want us and perhaps it’s us that need the children more… sometimes!

A marathon is only as hard as we make it. I fully intend to enjoy the journey.