Miles are better when there's some luck in your pocket

Today, I run a race with a different mindset, a different outlook, with a tired body and a confused mind because I have no idea where I am at. I have no idea what I am capable of today and it could go either way; I could blow up or survive. The alarm goes off at 4am, only three of us travelling up to the big smoke from Mayo today. It’s pitch dark outside, a calmness exists, a beautiful moonlight shines in through the kitchen window. The kettle’s on but it’s hard to drink tea at this hour, the flask is filled. The toast goes on but it’s hard to eat at this hour too, so it’ll be packed for later. I think of my competitors who are turning over for their second sleep. All this is familiar though; my body automatically jumps into this routine on national events day, we travel hours just to compete.

People think we are so disadvantaged in the west but I see it differently. We put in the extra work, our bodies are now trained to travel, to survive on a few hours sleep, to eat dry toast and drink lukewarm tea. We have mountains, roads, tracks and trails, we have a variety of terrain. I love the Phoenix Park but if running there was my only option every day, I would see myself as disadvantaged.

Time passes quickly at this hour. I sneak up to peep in at the children; a snore, a movement, a kiss goodbye, hubby sleeps soundly, I tip toe out to the car, off to meet the crew in my beloved Kilmaine. I travel down Memory Lane, I pass the home house, everything looks the same from the outside, but inside has changed, we’ve suffered a loss. Dad’s jeep is parked up; him being an early bird, he’d often be the one dropping me off on days like this but the jeep won’t move today. Whenever I was leaving home he always said to “mind the road” and today as I pass the gateway I hear his words. Today I will mind the road. I pass the graveyard, I’m tempted to run in, I’m not brave enough to venture in in the dark, but I know I have his blessing today.

I smile and wave at my friends, it’s a pleasure to see them. We head off on the back roads to Tuam, not a sinner about, the road to ourselves. There is something beautiful about this time of the day, a quietness, a stillness, a calmness as the world sleeps soundly. No traffic, no rushing, just simplicity, and that is where I am at today, so chilled out, so relaxed, there is no panic, there is nothing to worry about, life has paused. I was never as relaxed about a race, an event or the outcome.

I am doing this event for me today, I am running totally on how I feel, no pressure, no plans, only to survive. My body is tired but I know I can run 10 miles and many more so it’s my mind I need to train and get back working on. I need to run a big event, where one must plan, deal with crowds, competition, people, pressure, because right now I am in a zone where everything can wait, nothing has to be done and racing must be fun. These days I’m not sure how I’d cope if things get really tough because for now, I do not want any more toughness, I do not want any more hurt or heartbreak. With a big event looming in a few weeks where people will depend on me, I need to get my mind back to focusing on the task at hand. I know today will do that.

We chat, we laugh, we analyse, we plot, we plan, the week’s stories are churned out, the week’s training analysed. We fix the sore muscles, we sip the lukewarm tea, the journey flies. A toilet stop in Athlone, one must bypass the beautiful aromas of pastries, frappuccinos, lattes and everything else one cannot have but dreams about for after, because when times get tough we deserve to be kind to ourselves.

The dry toast comes out, still a little warm, the jam transforms the breakfast, providing a well-deserved sugar boost, the tea giving a lift. When you have no choice, the basics taste like dessert. It’s only 7am but it feels like we’ve been up for hours. We left a beautiful red sky in Mayo for a dull humid morning in Dublin. It’s All-Ireland Hurling Final day and already a few Clare cars are heading in. Our race will be over at 10.15, we will have raced 10 miles, and ran another four, be home for lunch and to watch the All-Ireland Final with family who need me deeply right now.

We glide in from Lucan, Dublin looks different at this hour. As the world gradually awakens, there is a serenity, a sense of calmness that permeates the air. I appreciate the simplicity and peacefulness of our capital city on an early morn, no traffic, no crowds, just the odd walker, jogger and cyclist. The bollards are out, the signs are up, we enter the Phoenix Park, we park in the same place, the same routine, toilet, number on and off we go.

A mile to the start, a lovely stroll to loosen out our seized-up legs from sitting down for three hours. We hear the music, the crowd builds, the bag drop but we have no bags; we’re dressed since 4am and ready to go. Meeting some familiar faces, our friendly competitors, all from the East, not a sinner from the West.

The wonderful thing about an event like this is that everyone is a friend, everyone is there to chat, support, help and understand. We all have something in common, we all have a story to tell, we all have worked hard, we all have obstacles to overcome. In a world that is sometimes so dangerous, so stressful, so full of bad things, another world exists; a green area full of thousands of people, their belongings left in an open field, a safety existing among the unknown. People talk to strangers, people share their identity, females walk alone, clothes are left hanging on trees to be collected after.

Some sympathise with me, I am full of emotion but must stay positive. I smile, I tell happy stories of Dad, I think all happy thoughts. If I break down now I could walk away, if I begin to cry now I won’t stop, I must keep the good energy flowing. I feel good and want to keep feeling like this so I begin to jog, a very slow warm up, we are tired so this will awaken us, that motion of moving my arms and legs in sync, breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth calms one, gets the heartrate up and gets the mind ready for the endurance event ahead. We hop a fence to the start line. I stand at the front in the middle of the crowd, I look around, my arms folded, I look up to the sky, it’s bright, I am present, I am calm, I am in a zone that is strange, that is weird. Today I have nothing to lose and everything to gain because this is about survival, it’s about running 10 miles on how I feel, with a positive mindset, where one can build, where one can achieve, where one can partake in a big event without blowing up.

I open my running belt and take out a tiny figurine, the most beautiful miniature teddy my daughter has created. With the wool my Dad had shorn from a sheep, my daughter crafted and made a tiny teddy, dressed in a blue t shirt, black pants and brown boots just like my Dad wore working. I kiss this amazing gift, put it back safely in my belt and I smile; I have a physical part of Dad and my daughter with me, both besotted with each other. Dad removed the wool perfectly with his gifted skill of shearing, my daughter worked with the wool to create grandad and a spare one made for me. Today I run with part of him and her, united, because they both needed me, my daughter now more than ever. I hear the final count, the race is about to begin.

I am ready, I will do this, my Mayo AC buddies on either shoulder, all supporting each other. A mad start, a mass panic, but for me I just run. It’s a fast start, I slow a bit, it’s a long way to go, I get into a rhythm, I feel good but it’s early days, I take the mind off the miles and into the present; it’s only 9am, my Mam and family will just be up, they will be okay until this is over. We’re three miles in, a long downhill ahead, I push on, this is fast, I begin to pass people, some panting hard, I smell wild garlic, I hear the birds, I use the trees to shelter from the sun. I’m on for a PB. With seven miles to go I need to be fresh. We turn back into the park, a long hill ahead, I slow down, I lose 30 seconds but what about. I need some water and a sweet, it’s been a long time since the toast and jam. Mile 6 begins to feel easy again, I’m back on track, I run with two lads who wanted to break 70 minutes, it’s hot, it’s draining and now we’ve hills. Mile 8 is our slowest mile, we lose a minute, but I reach Mile 9 and that’s it – I’m going for it. I just race, no thinking, no watching, just move the legs, a long straight mile, there is no female around me so I have no idea where I am.

I run for home, a shout from the lads, fourth in my category.. I am so happy; yes, I should have pushed Mile 8 and yes, I should have got third, but today nothing else mattered, only survival, having fun and clearing the mind. This was a 10 miler with a difference, a few weeks ago I ran with my Dad wishing me luck and today the luck is with me, in my pocket. I smile, I now know I can do it. The mind is strong, it will get stronger, nothing ahead is difficult and everything will get done.