Leaving Cert journey has been a real team effort

All around the region, the sighs of relief can be heard. The Leaving has left. It is done. The process is, of course, hard going for the young person sitting the exams. But it is also hard going for their support crew, and what a few weeks they have had.

The strain of it all could be seen on many a brow – and not just younger ones – these past weeks. So to the parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles, who all deserve their own top grade, those of us who have had a handy last few weeks salute you!

Where do you start in describing that support those people give? It is a full-time job with unlimited overtime. Of course, it is a labour of love, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. The Leaving Cert is an exam and an ordeal, which puts on a lot of strain. That nervous tension is a fog that needs navigating by an experienced helm. There are so many strands to those exam weeks, with so much experience needed to think out how to manage them, so much wisdom needed to execute the plan. Providing that support deserves a parchment of recognition in itself – there is certainly a life’s long learning in it.

The support given these last few weeks came in many ways. It was emotional: managing the ups and downs of the student, as they faced into these most intense of exams. There would have been a constant need for encouragement as well as exhortations to keep going through the long stretch. Lashings of praise that did not become glutinous was the target here. Anyone who has tried this technique knows its limits: overdoing the praise can be counterproductive, and it is a fine line that has been well trodden in recent weeks.

There was the ordeal of trying to respond to despair and to fatalism. Here the wise older head has been useful, knowing that if the work was not done back in the winter, the night before the exam is not the time to dwell on it. And if anyone in the house did feel moved to point this out, making sure they did not say it out loud was the work of angels. If the wrong thing was indeed said, the task of putting the emotional Humpty Dumpty back together again is more draining on the fixer than anyone else. That despair can also create acute challenges, like when the panicky suggestion comes - on the morning of the exam - that maybe I should take the ordinary level paper and not the higher one. What to do, what to say? Just be glad, dear reader, if this was not your problem to fix on the way to the exam centre in the car over the last few weeks.

Those were the emotional supports needed before an exam. No doubt many also had to manage the misery after the exam the student was sure went disastrously. What would have been best to say in that scenario? Reassure by affirming that we are our own worst judge; or acknowledge the problem the better to pivot to the need to focus for the next exam; or just say ‘there, there’ while that delicious sausage roll finished cooking in oven? The decision about what to do here had to be taken in the heat of the moment, but it was a decision informed by a lifetime of experience.

No doubt it was harder entirely to deal with the student who pronounced their indifference to the whole business right from the get-go. How did anyone control their own emotions when they saw the WhatsApp message asking them to collect the student before the exam was actually finished? Deep breaths… many deep breaths. Rebuke lost its purchase, however tempting its deployment might have been.

The exam schedule presented its own challenges. It is a tricky one when there is a three or four-day gap between exams and the student wants a night – or two – out to relax. How long is the right ‘period of relaxation’ before the head goes back down? And how to tell an 18-year-old adult who doesn’t necessarily agree?

The support has also been practical: ensuring that all that was needed was to hand, and without any drama – any added drama that is. That included not losing your temper when the one thing – the one thing – that was needed for the exam was not where it should have been on the morning of the exam. It no doubt involved some too-early mornings, trying to coax an over-anxious student back to bed for an hour, or trying to drag a reluctant one out. The support has also been nourishing: making sure that there was a flow of delicious and replenishing snacks and meals, while also trying to ensure that at least some of them were eaten.

But now it is done, and there can be relief: the only job that needs immediate focus is that the final decision on the CAO is made before that last deadline passes. After that, there are a few long weeks before the stress of results needs to be contemplated. There will be the Debs which will be delightful, and the holiday so many of them take now which will be, well, less delightful (for their parents, at least).

These few weeks for any West of Ireland family are very important. This is a golden summer before September comes, and everything changes. No matter how many years have elapsed since our own summer before we left, we can still recall it. When this summer ends, the young will head off into excitement, while the support crew will have a quieter, and even poignant, autumn.

That has been happening in the West of Ireland for a very long time. It is not always easy, but if the young person has caught flight and is soaring, it makes it all more manageable. If they do indeed fly, and better still, if they can keep flying even into headwinds, those people in their support crew can be especially proud - not just of them, but of themselves. Good job everyone. Now, put it out of your minds for a few weeks and go and enjoy the summer.