Ciara has learned to grow through adversity

Ciara O’Malley radiates a positivity that is hard to describe. When you enter her company, there is a warmth and brightness that emanates from her.

Ciara has been on a journey that took her to the depths of grief when she lost her partner David Gavin in 2017 in a tragic accident while they were living in Vancouver in Canada. David went missing while swimming in the Beaver River in British Columbia and it was another 10 months before his body was recovered and returned to his native Castlebar for burial.

Emerging from her grief, she was inspired to use her experience to help others. That has led to her writing a book, Miracles Appear When Loved Ones Are Near, and starting a podcast, Mind Less Full.

The Manulla woman sat down to tell me her story and why she has always felt a draw to helping people.

Angelina: Ciara, thanks for taking the time to talk to me. Tell me a little bit about your background.

Ciara: I am from Manulla in Mayo. I was born in London and lived there until I was ten. We moved home to Ireland in 2000, but Mam and Dad are both from Ireland. Our cousins were in Bofeenaun, so we always wanted to come home to Ireland. I did 4th, 5th and 6th class in Manulla and then went to secondary school in Balla.

Angelina: What did you do when you finished secondary school?

Ciara: I always loved people. I always wanted to help people. I was always one in school helping everyone and always caring about everyone else. I didn't really know exactly what I wanted to do but I just knew I wanted to work with people, so I did social care in Letterkenny. I suppose that opens you up to lots of different paths - working with children, working with individuals with disabilities. I did that course and loved it.

Angelina: Did you go straight into working in that area when you'd finished the course?

Ciara: Yes, I was working with children in residential care, which I loved. It was a difficult job because you're working with lots of different children who have been through really traumatic experiences. They're living in a care home, they're under the care of the state. It was a special care unit I first went into in Limerick, so it's actually the judge that had put these kids in there. But I suppose I kind of felt lucky that I could play some role in their life and help them because they had been through just horrific circumstances.

Angelina: Ciara, a big part of your journey was your partner David Gavin, who passed away in 2017. Tell me how you met.

Ciara: We met when we were 17. We met in the TF - at The Saw Doctors on New Year's Eve. We used to go every year. And that was it then for the next few years.

Angelina: Losing David brought you down a path that has led you to helping so many others.

Ciara: I was always into helping people and caring for people. It didn't matter what anyone's situation was. I'd always think there's a reason they're doing that. 

David was missing for ten months before we found him and I suppose it was a situation that you couldn't plan for. You didn't know how you would feel. For me, I had a massive purpose when he was missing, and that was about finding him. And we were willing to do anything. And I suppose I had faith - we had nothing else but faith in something bigger, something that makes no logical sense. 

I remember just thinking, we are going to find him. And every single odd was against us. So I suppose for me, something within me was cracked open. Praying, talking to angels - I was willing to try anything. 

I feel like David guided me. I do share a lot of all that in my book. And we did find him against every single odd possible. Within that time my mental health took a massive turn, and I was put on medication. I was linked to community mental health. And then, fast forward, about 14 months later, I hit a wall. I wasn't living, I was just surviving. I met lots of people along the way, but I met a lady who said to me, 'Ciara, come on, you're still here. David is gone, but you're still here'. 

I went on a little searching journey where I suppose I started to understand my mind and my mindset. And I made a decision to change my direction. I trained in Reiki. I got really into meditation and mindset. And within a few months, it was like something opened up in me. 

So now I'm so passionate about all of this because I know that life is difficult. We don't know what could happen on any day. And more than likely, we will be faced with challenges, but within us, your spirit, your soul, your mind, there is something within you that will allow you to grow through adversity. 

I have met people in the last few years who have lost loved ones. They have gone through something and they just kind of think, 'This is it, this is me now, this is my life'. And it mightn't be grief, they might have an illness, but they think that life has stopped in some way. And you have to honour that and feel all that. 

But for me, it's the bit where people might have gone through something and they might just be stuck. I'm just so passionate about helping others. That's where the book came from and I have a podcast now that's called Mind Less Full, and it's about helping others see that your mind is one of the most powerful tools you have and that you can change your beliefs, you can create things.

Angelina: Tell us about the book, Ciara.

Ciara: As I was starting to heal - and you have got to feel it to heal it - I was acknowledging the grief and I was letting myself feel. And as I was starting to do the healing, I started to connect with nearly a voice inside me. And I do believe it was David. But for me, I knew how I felt in the depths of grief. And then I started have days where I remember feeling gratitude. I just had this big thing that I have to write this book because I know you can do it. I always thought I might just get through life, I'll get to 90, and look, it'll be grand. And that's what I thought for a while, but this version of me was just so grateful to be alive. I knew David was with me. I was starting to really be like 'I want to live my life'. And it was that that really pushed me on to be like, well, if I can do this, so can lots of people. Honest to God, I feel so lucky and blessed to be here. And I know I wouldn't be here today as this version of who I am without all that that has happened.

Angelina: I'd imagine your story and the book have helped so many people.

Ciara: I suppose that's my reason why. Especially people who were in the depths of grief, and I've got messages that they've read it and it's given them encouragement to actually move forward. I believe that a lot of people who read it have lost a loved one. I feel like David's up there with all these people who have passed on and they're like getting their loved ones to read the book now. Open something within you and they might be crying while reading my book - we go into the depths of everything, but even when we're crying, we're releasing something from our own body, because emotions are energy in motion. So if we can release things that we're holding onto, then we have space to move forward, space to grow, space to feel joy.

Angelina: Tell us what you are doing in your day job now Ciara?

Ciara: I work with children who maybe suffer from a lack of self-esteem or who have gone through challenges in life, and it's all resilience-based programmes. It's helping them build resilience because maybe we won't be able to change the situation or the circumstances they're in but it's about giving them the coping skills.

Angelina: You really want to help people, Ciara, don't you?

Ciara: I feel like the world has a lot of heaviness and negativity. And I feel like if we can spread a little bit of magic, that helps. And even on the podcast, I have brought people on who have been through really difficult situations. I'm so passionate because I've met a lot of those people. We have the capacity within us or things happen that make no logical sense. So I just like to bring those people on or share a bit of magic and make the world a better place.

Angelina: What are your hopes for the next few years Ciara?

Ciara: I'm so open to moving forward with my life. So I'm looking forward to meeting someone and starting my own family when the time is right. And I'm actually moving to Australia in October, which is a big life move. I think it's going to be really symbolic. It's another part of my journey. And I definitely have another book in the pipeline that speaks more about the power of your mind and other things that have happened in my life that show that there's something bigger at play. I'd love to write some children's books as well and continue with the podcast too.

Angelina: What would you say to someone who finds themselves in a difficult place right now?

Ciara: I suppose it is to know and be open and willing to know that things can change and if you have lost someone personally, ask your loved ones to help you. And one of my big messages is that love doesn't die. In the book, I mention the fifth stage of grief and that is choice - choosing that you're still important, that you deserve to heal. But even having that thought that something can change or I deserve to feel good again. Know that there's something within you that you can connect to that can change your circumstances and that it can get good again and you deserve for it to get good.

* Ciara’s book, Miracles Appear When Loved Ones Are Near, is available from www.mayobooks.ie.